Life is sexually transmitted

Give a person a fish, they'll eat for a day. Teach that person to use the internet, they won't bother you for weeks

Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal

How is it one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to light a barbecue?

"Don't give me that art of war crap, and you - you take to long to take a shit!"

"Soon you'll have a girlfriend who's a demon and an assistant who's dead"

"Die, Planet, Die!"

"I'M A MAN! You can quote me on that"

I have little kid hair. Very randomly...i usually have non-little kid hair... I used the shampoo i used when i was little and now my hair is the same way only brushed
Creepy time trip man...especially weird cause I had to do a pantomime today and act like a first grader...

"You didn't say that, Shakespeare did"
"I didn't say I said it first"

I hate stalkers. Even marginal stalkers are bad. They follow you around and talk to you every chance they get. Not a fun experience really...
Even if they don't follow you around or call you or im you all the time, they can still have stalker feelings for you...those are the worst cause then you can't tell them to stop bothering you because well they aren't forcing themselves on you. Still it is hard to avoid them or tell them you would like them to leave you alone...sometimes...

"That's the way it crumbles...cookie wise"

The Lord of the Rings. As much as I hated the way the book was written, that's how much I love the movie. Even though Liv Tyler shouldn't have been let anywhere near that set, the cast was still perfect...Billy Boyd is the cutest!

Continuing the Pattern:

"Okay, sweetie, can we contact the dead now?"

"Do you think we liked having our bodies tampered with?"

"Why would they go to my game?"
"One would assume, to watch you play."
"But I told them second string never play, they just sit on the bench and rot."
"Well then one would assume they went to watch you rot."

"I think I'll take this oppourtunity to remove my ears"

"I wouldn't want to be me right now but I don't have a choice"

"Wow, she's amazing!"
"And the fact that he's substandard doesn't help him much"

"I think there should be prostitutes for the handicapped"
"Yeah, every hooker has to have a ramp"

The best way to get someone to leave you alone on aim is to just type a butt. Whatever they say, respond with (__Y__)

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-Mae West

"She's a peacock in everything but beauty."
-Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-Billy Wilder

I've been cut off for so long...no usable phones or computers...I don't even remember how to type...oh wait I'm typing now but am I even typing correctly...yeah I'm sure I am...you're supposed to use your elbows right?