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There was a little butterfly named Frederico. He was a lonely butterfly that only wanted some friends, but he has a problem of setting the things he loves on fire. Until one day he met a beautiful spider and he thought 'I want to set her on fire....but I can't she's just too beautiful.' So, he goes to talk to her instead. They talk for hours and Frederico, for the first time, feels happy. But then the spider eats him.
The End.
--By the best story teller EVAR, Travis

"Your picture's in my wallet and I'm sitting on it...if that's not love I don't know what is"

"WHERE'S THE POT?"

"Hey, that one's got spunk. Reminds me a bit of meself...only dumber and not as attractive..."

"Are you going to come eat the chicken?"

"Are you coming? Or are you going?
Or are you cumming, and then going?
Or are you cumming and staying?"

"I feel like Keegan's brother"
Blink, Blink
"Because of the pants"
"Perhaps I just don't know your brother well enough to know why..."
"Or maybe you just don't look at his...lower regions..."

"Samantha? Sex? Haha. You wouldn't get it."
"BITCH, what's to get? Penis + Vagina=Sex"
"Yes, but add Samantha in there and the equation cannot be solved... who are we kidding, my dear.. you make everything difficuLt"
"You're so high maintenance that you probably make it harder(no pun intended)"
"See... we're both such bitches at two extremes"
"Well, we did go to CKS"

Travis: pedophillia-the act of having sex with electronic or mechanical objects
Travis: freaky
Me: hm
Me: thats odd
Me: OMEKNGKJFNDDG
Me: CHILDREN ARE ROBOTS
Travis: haha
Travis: there is a differnce in the o and a
Me: ohhh

"In the event of sabotage, acts of God, terrorism, computer virus or other events or causes beyond the Sponsors' reasonable control which corrupt the integrity, administration, security or proper operation of the Sweepstakes, Sponsors reserve the right to cancel, modify or suspend the Sweepstakes."
--Batman Contest Rules
God: "I smite thee for holding a Batman contest!!!"
Cartoon Network: "I think we'd better cancel"

Earth Chi!
Run

"You know the old saying: you win some, you lose some. And then there’s that little-known third category. But I didn’t come here tonight to talk about the past. After all, I don’t want you to think that I lie awake at night counting and recounting sheep."
--Al Gore is Silly
"A ponytailed man standing next to us confirmed the event, saying, 'I do believe the President of the U.S. just gave you boys the finger.'"
--Best EVAR

"Comoninouttalarane"
"What?"
"Comoninouttalarane"
"What?"
"Naugh!!"
"What?"
"Crackas."
"YES"
-Gremlin Black Lady Who Lives in a Car
 
"I don't think we should cause, you know, I don't want to get raped."
"Why?"
"......Well, it doesn't seem fun. It doesn't sound like it would be a happy good time"
-Riri is silly

Ariane: I got confused for a sex
Ariane: *sec
Me: youre always doing things for a sex

Britney: i'm young & i love to be young
Me: im free and i love to be free
Britney: to live my life the way that i want
Me: to say and do whatever i please
Britney: bah bah bah
Me: we are so gay
Britney: yeah we really are
Me: we are like a hallway apart and we are typing the first wives club song
Britney: as i hear you fiercely typing away

"WHAT IS THAT?!.....Oh, it's Ryan."

"Oh, hello! I've got a nice dead bird in this box! FWAK"

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but whips and chains excite me"

["I want a girl named Ryan"
"No cause then she'll be butch-dyke cause I know this girl Ryan and shes like butch-dyke"
"Her name could've been Britney and she'd still be a butch-dyke"
"Yes, but if you're name is Britney then you're going to automatically be girly, but if you're a girl and your name is Ryan, then you're a man"

"I would never date you"
"Why?!"
"Because I couldn't even get a fuck out of you, let alone emotional bullshit. I could understand dating you just to fuck the shit out of you but you won't do that"
"What do you mean by emotional bullshit?"
"Even guys who don't want just fucking don't get any emotional shit either"

"BEST BUY! IT'S OPEN!"
"Oh my God, Best Buy on a Friday Night is like my wet dream"]
-Britney and Vanessa and I

David: yes, or, he had sex with his gun and it orgasmed
Me: bullets are gun sperm?
David: Yes

"I just keep asking myself, 'Where did that dancing turtle come from?'"

"I just don't eat people"

Lauren: TURTLE
Me: DANCING
Me: put them together and what have you got
Lauren: DANCING TURTLES OF LOVE!!!!!!!!!!

they're like
AYEM SUXH A LEZBEAN
and I'm like
"You fucking dyke whore, fuck off."
and they're like
YOO R PREGJUCIEDSDEDD
and I'm like
"I'm bisexual, fuckface."
and they're like
...BISTXC
then they leave

Ryan: there, got it out
Me: ...
Me: how wrong that sounds to the perverted mind
Ryan: hope she doesnt feel bad anymore
Ryan: lol!
Me: who why when where and what the hell?
Ryan: Lauren
Me: oh
Me: the fact that youre actually talking about your penis makes that earlier statement worse

"You wear a lot of rainbows"
"I'm bisexual"
"Oh it's just a phase"
-I LOVE IT

"I only have five cards, I need another"
"No, there's one under your boob"
"What? Oh...didn't see it"

"Put the phone down and I'll call for you when it's commercial"
|Minutes Elapse|
"ARIANE!"
"AUGH. That is so freaky, it's like my stomach is calling out to me"
|Spastic Laughter|
"I LOVE IT OMEG THAT'S GREAT"
"I don't love it"

"I can't really picture Angel in tights...|pause|...oh now I can and it's really disturbing"

Olivia: if i ever had to drag his body, being that i killed him or hes unconcious, i would have a hard time.

"Oh, it don't make no kinda sense. Big ol' ox like Grady can't sit and have a meal next to a colored child. But he eats eggs, shoot right out a chicken's ass"

Me: skirt story, flashing, not pants, skinny dipping
Me: honestly
Me: does anything i do NOT involve nudity
Stephen: lol
Stephen: dunno
Me: the irony of this question is i was just naked like five minutes ago
Stephen: lol

"What are you playing?"
"What?"
"I hear video game music, what are you playing?"
"....That's the toilet flushing"
"Oh...must be the phone makes it sound musical..."

"Step One: Slit my throat,
Step Two: Lay in my blood,
Step Three: Cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house,
Step Four: Stop at Lake Michigan and rinse your crimson hands,
You took me hostage and made your demands, I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers,
ONE BY ONE"

"It's a fucked world, We're a fucked up place, Everybody's judged by their fucked up face, Fucked up dreams, Fucked up life, A fucked up kid, With a fucked up knife"

And Now For Samantha, Sarah, And Jessica's Dirty Alphabet
Brought to you by boring as H fourth period.
It has been broken down into simpler terms and explanations for you:

A is for Asshole, B is for Bitch, C is for Cum, but that's not it.
D is for Dumbass and E is for Erection, also F is for Fuck and G is for Gonads, cause you want G to do F, but without E it's not very good.
H is for Hell and that's where you're going if you're an I is for Idiot.
J is for Jackass(or Joey if you'd like) and K is for Kunt(Joey has one we think).
L is for Lick and we're not talking about a popsicle but sometimes something shaped like one.
M is for Masturbation and N is for Nipple and if you think those are related your M may be wrong and I feel sorry for your N.
O is for Orgasm and I need not explain that a P is for Penis is typically involved.
Q is for Queer which is only something dirty to call someone and R is for Rectal and R is for Q's who need to get off.
S is for Shit which is just plain nasty, T is for Tit which some consider S.
U is for Underwear cause they're not always there and V is for Vagina
W is for Willy and X is for X-rated and W usually stars in those with V and R and some T and F and E and half the alphabet.
Y is for Yaoi cause I'm cultural and know it's Man-Sex and Z is for Zest because you want to have that in your Y, right Kristi?
And now you know your ABC's, don't tell Mommy you sang with me.

"Vincent took acid and tried to flush a sofa down the toilet"

"Sheila allegedly masturbated with a hot dog and had to go to the emergency room"

"And now I have clam taste in my mouth"

"What's Tuesday plus four?"

Shannon: draco/mione is fun too
Me: yes
Me: cause she DOESNT punch him
Shannon: yup
Me: but you can tell he likes to be smacked around
Me: haha
Me: Draco likes it rough
Shannon: yea he does;-)
Me: time for bondage fun
Me: when dracos in your bed
Shannon: why do you think i have those handcuffs?
Me: well i knew they werent for orli, his hands are connected to him
Me: plus you can tell that he is all sweet
Me: cause hes an elf
Shannon: yea
Shannon: but hes also a pirate
Me: ah but a half breed wishing to disprove his roughness
Shannon: lol
Me: so he'd be gentle
Me: and aragorn would be wild but not rough
Me: and pippin would be energetic
Shannon: merry and pippin vary
Shannon: it depends on what slash you read
Shannon: most of the time pippins the girl
Me: he can still be energetic
Me: merry would be all dominating
Shannon: yea he is
Shannon: merrys always dominating and protective
Shannon: and not wanting to hurt pippin
Shannon: and pippins the girl
Shannon: LOL
Me: heehee
Me: ron would be awkward
Me: i dont care how they write him, he's awkward
Shannon: yes
Shannon: and mione is always an in the closet freak!
Me: hell yes
Me: you know shes read the kama sutra
Shannon: hell yea
Me: and harry would be early
Shannon: hahahahaha
Me: and crabbe and goyle cant get any so they jack off to dracos picture
Shannon: no crabbe and goyle are gay and do it w/ each other
Me: eventually
Me: but they dont know that at first
Me: and they probably do it with not a mirror above their bed but a beast pic of draco
Shannon: oh ok
Shannon: man i want a huge pic of draco above my bed
Me: haha
Me: you can
Shannon: i think i will
Shannon: tons of pictures
Me: yes
Shannon: draco collage
Shannon: who haven't we talked about?
Me: ummmmm.....adults
Me: and you can bet that dracos daddy doesnt even mess up the covers
Me: and washes up after
Shannon: hahaha
Me: and i think sirius is bi
Shannon: sirius would be good in bed
Shannon: him and lupin slash is great!
Me: yeah he would
Me: yeah it is
Shannon: i love it
Shannon: they're so cute
Shannon: cuz they're both puppys!
Me: heehee
Me: sirius wouldnt have just one style
Me: he'd do what you want
Shannon: hell yea
Shannon: role play
Me: and lupin would be another sweet one
Me: with anyone but sirius
Shannon: yea with sirius he'd be wild
Me: hed go beast
Me: and pettigrew would be another premature ejaculator
Me: or a not ejaculate at all-er
Shannon: and james was prob good
Shannon: even though harrys not
Me: yeah
Me: he and lily probably had good sex
Me: not sirius sex
Me: but good sex
Shannon: hahaha
Shannon: no one has sirius sex
Me: not anymore
Me: |damn jkr|
Shannon: :'(
Shannon: poor moony
Shannon: 2 of his b/fs died
Shannon: and ones evil
Me: and impotent
Shannon: yea see poor moony
Shannon: and and sirius was his lover too
Shannon: so know who is lupin gonna do it w/?
Me: hm
Me: we could find him a nice she wolf
Shannon: yea but i mean no one compared to sirius
Me: yes
Me: but then no one ever could anyway
Me: thats the risk you take when doing sirius
Shannon: but its a risk i would take
Me: hell yes
Me: who else?
Shannon: uhhhh
Shannon: fred and george would be fun!!!!
Me: aw man i feel a confusing threesome coming on
Shannon: oh man that'd be awesome
Shannon: " OH FRED I MEAN GEORGE I MEAN FRED I MEAN GEORGE......"
Me: youd just end up having to shout "FREORGE!"
Shannon: hahahaha
Shannon: i think they'd have the 2nd best sex, after sirius
Shannon: then i think draco in 3rd place
Me: yes
Me: his bondage fun
Shannon: yes
Me: i think id put aragorn 4
Shannon: yea
Shannon: oh man we didn't talk about WOOD
Me: aww man the name says it all
Shannon: yes it does
Me: wood would be 5
Me: i dont think he
Me: would have a style either
Me: his only purpose is to please you
Shannon: i bet hes done it on the qudditch feild
Shannon: maybe even on the broom in the air
Me: aw man
Shannon: that'd be difficult but fun
Me: i think he could manage it
Shannon: i think so too
Me: diggory would be too cocky
Me: haha cocky
Shannon: hahaha
Me: i wouldnt do diggory
Shannon: me either
Me: i think wood is tied with aragorn
Me: lets see
Me: 1-sirius
Me: 2-twins
Me: 3-draco
Me: 4-wood and aragorn
Me: 5-lupin and orli
Me: does this conclude the lotr/hp sex talk?
Shannon: yes

"Well, maybe Brock didn't get the girl...but at least he got the Golbat!"

"Yes. Noah and I spent Saturday together. It was groovy. I like him a lot."
"I want juicy details."
"I had Tropicana for breakfast this morning. Without pulp."

"They all know I'm gay, and that their boobs mean as much as their elbows to me"

"He’d actually had to remind himself to breathe, but then the little voice in his head telling him ‘in’ and ‘out’ had suddenly developed a naughty twist and he’d found himself unwillingly putting different connotations on those innocent words."

"I don't wanna be remembered as a fucking primate!"

"There's nothing funnier than a really cross panda"

"I merely use the tea towel to keep my balls still"

"How do you become a lesbian?"
"Why? Are you going to give it a go?"
"You can't just give it a go. You can't just think, Oh, I'll give being a lesbian a go."
"A go at what?"

Katie: Fucking christ can this goddamn day get any shittier?!
Me: if i dumped a bucket of squid down your pants?
Katie: No.
Me: that wouldnt make it worse?
Katie: nope
Me: ...
Me: what if the squid started doing things reserved for kouga?
Katie: .....that'd just be really gross.
Me: losing your v-card to a squid would be a bad ending to your day
Me: you must admit that
Katie: ....yeah.

"I think it really said, 'Don't make it look like a gay possum'"

David: Hello
Me: hi
David: are you going to the movies today?
Me: yes... you cant come
David: awwww : (... I have 4 dollars!
Me: not enough man
David: ... I have candy?
Me: sorry, got my own
David: ... I have pizza!
Me: drop the pizza at the theatre
David: awww can't I come in?
Me: just for a minute
David: can I get a hug?
Me: i dont think my boyfriend would appreciate that
David: how about a candy?
Me: ill bring you a mint
David: is it a chocolate mint?
Me: andes
David: andes?
Me: Andes Chocolate Mint
David: are those good?
Me: the best
David: YAY! Thank you!

OOOOOOO there is a guy whos really hot and billy is his name-o
B-I-L-L-Y B-I-L-L-Y B-I-L-L-Y
and billy is his name-o!

there are some girls who love him lots and say his name a lot-o
B-I-L-L*clap* B-I-L-L*clap* B-I-L-L*clap*
and billy is his name-o

they say'thank billy' all the time cuz he is their hero
B-I-L*clap clap* B-I-L*clap clap* B-I-L*clap clap*
and billy is his name-o

his freinds are dom, elijah and sean, and even orli-o
B-I-*clap clap clap* B-I-*clap clap clap* B-I-*clap clap clap*
and billy is his name-o

he looks real cute as a hobbit with the hairy feet-o
B-*clap clap clap clap* B-*clap clap clap clap* B-*clap clap clap clap*
and billy is his name-o!

talk about one cute scot and he even likes to sing-o
*clap clap clap clap clap* *clap clap clap clap clap* *clap clap clap clap clap*
AND BILLY IS HIS NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME........O!
-Copyright Shannon

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a local
Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and dancing, but every once in a
while,
the lights would turn off.
Each time after the lights would go out, the place would erupt into
cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the
restroom?"
The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."
"Why not?" the nun asked.
"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private
parts are covered only by a fig leaf."
"Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the other way."
So, the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and
she preceded to use the restroom.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping
with music and dancing again.
However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of
applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they
applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you
like a drink?"
"But I still don't understand!" said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the
statue
is lifted up, the lights go out in the whole place. Now how about that
drink?"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher
picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one
with
your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "because the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you
are
thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three
women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the
second
biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is
married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger.
But I like the way you are thinking."
-Thanks to Shannon

"I didnt know running into the wall would hurt as much as it did. But here I am, laying in a pile of my own blood in a coma, hoping that my faithful penguin sends for help. Last time this happened the penguin just called me a pussy, took my shoes, and went to see "The Mask." To this day I still dont know if he liked it, and whenever I ask he just calls me a fag and throws ice cubes at me"

"Well, we both had a hard time trying to realize sex in a museum was prohibited"

"I don't understand why they don't just pick one; if you like apples, eat an apple, if you like oranges, peel an orange"

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"

"Travis is too hotter than the son of God"

Me: oh righty-oh
Leafy: fighty-oh
Me: um'
Leafy: bacon?
Me: popcorn?
Leafy: toaster strudle?
Me: tomato soup?
Leafy: laffy taffy?
Me: grilled cheese?
Leafy: french toast?
Me: spoon?
Leafy: machete?
Me: grocery list?
Leafy: destructo disk?
Me: kaio ken?
Leafy: galik gun!?
Me: ka?
Leafy: BOOM!
Me: me?
Leafy: idunno.....
Leafy: if you want to

"Who're you callin' moron, pacifier junkie?!"

"Either get out of the way or in the way"

"Keegan, is this your house or something?"

"Cookie got lost. Thankfully you found Cookie three days later."

"Cookie got sick and died."
"Cookie got sick and died."
"Cookie got sick and died."

We played three times and Cookie died every time.
Guess Cookie just can't fulfill his Manifest Destiny.

"Damnit, Olivia, you got sperm on my kitchen floor"

"Um, excuse me, but there's sperm in my sandwich"
"Get away, you dumb kid"

"How did you get sperm in my sandwich?"

"Oh my Jack, my toes are drunk!"

Sing it on this my anniversary:
Powdered Chicken,
Powdered Chicken,
Hot Sexy Mama, Leprechaun Carnie.

"But seriously, there should be a sign...like...your toenails turn purple...
Then you'd get nail polish and know when to bring tampons"

Attention Girls:
Ariane Says:
"Grasp your ovaries!"
(Since, you know, we don't have balls to rely on)

"We are the Walri"

"My psychic powers are really just psychic nausea"

"You can take my freedom, but you'll never take my balls!"

"That won't be half as funny when I stab you in the eye"

Quality French Conversations That Totally Conceal That I Took Far Less Than the Required Bouts of French:

Me: i think he's crack kitty, but maybe its me
Ariane: haha le cocain chat
Me: oui
Ariane: je suis francais
Me: je ne sais pas francais
je sais "Puis-je alle aux toilettes?"
je sais "oui et ici"
Ariane: haha super
Me: je sais "je sais"
Ariane: tu francais es tres powerful
Me: non, je suck. tu rock
Ariane: non et non...mon francais es lame
Me: oh by the way, Je t'aime = i love you or i like you...confusing, n'est pas?
Ariane: ah oui
Me: ou sont alle les dinosaures?
Ariane: JE SUIS LES DINOSAURES
Me: ou est le sud?
Ariane: .........thar
Me: ah, oui. merci, je sais maintenant

Me: you told me to
Olivia: no i didnt
Me: yeah you did
Olivia: no
Me: yes
Olivia: not really
Me: oui tu did
Olivia: your french is awesome
Me: oui oui je sais
Olivia: mais, non, je ne did pas
Me: hai tu did
Olivia: non!
Me: oui!
Olivia: tu as tres mal memory
Me: oui, well, tu as...un monkey en ton soupe

Doug: So I'm standing there, waiting to use the payphone...
Steve: Seriously, he was.
Doug: When the guy on it, turns around, and tips his hat...like this...
Steve: And WHO do you suppose that guy was?!
Doug: EMILIO ESTEVEZ!
Steve: I swear to god! The mighty duck himself! I was there!
Doug: Of course you were there, you were the one yelling the breakfast lovers name!
Steve: I was like "EMILIO! EMILIO!"
Doug: Oh god if you were only there!
---silence
Both: So....you guys wanna make out...or what?

"Do you like blueburries or strawberries?"
"What?"
"Cause I want to know what kind of pancakes to get you in the morning"

"What are you doing?!"
"Checking your tag...just as I thought...made in heaven"

"Are you retarded?"
"..."
"Because you're a special girl"

"I swear to God, he's going to drive me gay at this rate though"

"I would rather fuck a tree than him and I've never even met an attractive tree"

"There were witnesses who reported youths were taunting the gorilla"
"Why would that make him want to escape and eat a baby?"
"Maybe they insulted his mother"

"My tooth fairy's name was Priscilla"

"Dude, I can like feel the milk"

"She reads, that's why she's so smart"
"What does she read? Ku-ka chu?"
(She was talking about Kodocha)

"Mr.Wood? It says 'Tan Jacket' on the desk"

"Samantha! Hey, Samantha, wait up!.....Rose Whip!"'

"Umm you don't spell pants P-A-N-C-E. It's P-A-N-T-S..."

"Can't he use the kaio-ken while he's a super saiyan? Oh, God, that sounded really geeky, didn't it?"

"Did you see Misty yesterday?"
"Misty from Pokemon? She looks the same everyday"
"Well, I actually meant Misty from school..."

"Experience the world of monkey crackers"

"The Bigger They Come,
The Harder They Brawl"
-I swear that was just on the homepage of Cartoon Network

"And she was carrying around this stuffed beaver from the angry beavers that was like giant"
"Aw, man, I want a really big beaver"
"...What am I the only one who gets the hilarious double meaning?"

MAKE A WISH BEFORE BEGINNING THE TEST!!
A Warning! Answer the questions as you go along.
There are only four questions and if you see them all before finishing, you will not have honest results.
Go down slowly and do each exercise as you scroll down.
Don't look ahead. Get pencil and paper to write your answers as you go along. You will need it at the end.
This is an honest questionnaire that will tell you alot about your true self.

PERSONALITY TEST:
Put the following five animals in the order of your preference.
Write down the animal names (not just the letter)
a. Cow
b. Tiger
c. Sheep
d. Horse
e. Pig
(Stop - finish this question before continuing)




Write one word that describes each one of the following:
Dog
Cat
Rat
Coffee
Sea
(Stop - finish this question before continuing)



Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you)
that you can relate to the following colors (do not repeat your answer twice!)
Name just one person for each color.
Yellow
Orange
Red
White
Green
(Stop - finish this question before continuing)





Finally, write down your favorite number and your favorite
day of the week.
(Stop - finish this question before continuing)

Wish for something you REALLY WANT.
Look at the interpretations below: (but first before
continuing, repeat your wish.)

Item # 1:
This will define your priorities in your life.
Cow Signifies CAREER
Tiger Signifies PRIDE
Sheep Signifies LOVE
Horse Signifies FAMILY
Pig Signifies MONEY

Item # 2:
Your description of dog implies YOUR OWN PERSONALITY.
Your description of cat implies the personality of your PARTNER.
Your description of rat implies the personality of your ENEMIES.
Your description of coffee is how you interpret SEX.
Your description of the Sea implies your own LIFE.

Item # 3:
Yellow: Someone you will never forget
Orange: Someone you consider your true friend
Red: Someone that you really love
White: Your twin soul
Green: Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life

Item # 4:
You have to send this message to as many persons as your favorite number and your wish will come true on the day that you put.

I think posting qualifies as sending it to eight people.

"If this isn't the best-smelling house in Tiburon, I'll be a monkey's uncle"
"Well, I guess you're saved from that special relationship"

~*~Just Wed~*~
|Guy enters kitchen. Woman is rolling a rolling pin back and forth, standing by an island|
"Look, honey, I'm making home-made fruit roll-ups!"
|Shot of rolling pin rolling over an unpeeled banana|
"That's great, but why can't we just buy them?"
"Well they're so expensive...Hey, honey, now that I can cook, will you marry me?"
"...We are married..."
"Oh! |giggle|"
This Replaced Music Videos?

"And that rope of truth what the-"
"Lasso, it's the lasso of truth, remember that."
"Right. Lasso of truth, what the hell?"
"Well I guess, if we were middle-aged southern men, it would have some appeal, but since we're not..."

"We're going to have hamburgers tonight."
"Oh, good."
"How about you, Ariane, would you like a hamburger?"
"No, I don't really like ham."
"..."
"What? I don't.."

"What? She was helping me with a muscle cramp."
"A cramp?...In your pants?"
"What, it's a thing"
A few hours later:
"We've gotta have some kind of late-night activity to keep us busy."
"How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you?"
"What? Oh, yeah..."
"Maybe you should put some ice on it."

"Byzantium, that magic, spicy word."

"What is more important that it should go before me?!"
"This." |Holds out banana|
"A BANANA?! This simple piece of fruit should supercede me?!"

The Table of Contents of Bored of the Rings:

Foreward
Prologue-Concerning Boggies
I. It's My Party and I'll Snub Who I Want To
II. Three's Company, Four's a Bore
III. Indigestion at the Sign of the Goode Eats
IV. Finder's Keepers, Finders Weepers
V. Some Monsters
VI. The Rider's of Roi-Tan
VII. Serutan Spelled Backward Is Mud
VIII. Schlob's Lair and Other Mountain Resorts
IX. Minas Troney in the Soup
X. Be It Ever So Horrid

"If you want to wear a hat,
You'll have to get one that is better than that."

"We locked ourselves in the Squash Court with enough Fritos and Dr.Pepper to choke a horse. (Eventually the production of this turkey actually required the choking of a small horse, but that's another story entirely.)"

"Do you mean they're not still planning to kill me?"
"Kill you? Stick you in a sacred cave, more like, and sacrafice virgins to you. Pity it'd be such a waste. I could use a bit of that myself."
"I'll hand them over to you."

"Love was smacking him in the face with a frozen trout."

"He was stopped by her patented 'Zip-It-Or-I-Will-Damage-Some-Of-Your-Favorite-Organs' Glare"

"Remember, if you don't know what that means, it never hurts to ask....Unless someone hits you for being stupid...."

....With a baka fan!


"Penguin!"
"Oh my gosh, you cannot have my penguin!"
"One day we will be reunited and our love will prosper and grow"

"Maruha medama
Maruha kirei
Kuroibudouno
Amaiagi

Sankakuha gikan
Sankakuha hayai
Sakana no shippono
Furuekata

Shikakuha Sora
Shikakuha Hirui
Hanawo kandera
Iinaoi"

The Ariane Explanation for Global Warming:
Well, at one point something large in the sky died and it's floating in our orbit, rotting, and the decomposition is giving off heat.
GLOBAL WARMING IS A LARGE DEAD ELEPHANT, OH GOD.

"Snails are people too"

"The reading was so boring that I fell asleep. Twice. Once at the kitchen table and I have never done that before"

"Everywhere there's lots of piggies,
Living piggy lives.
You can see them out for dinner,
With their piggy wives"

"Why don't we do it in the road?
No one will be watching us
Why don't we do it in the road?"

"HEY THERE!(ugh! thats was dumb!)eet story! I'm real confused on the "Vegeta is Hank in a dffrent dimention thing" So could you explane that a *bit* more theroghly?(sp?) THANKS! keep going! and Gokus dead right? then how can they be fighting? (sry i get really lost when it comes to that kind of stuff) (They=Vegeta+Goku ((dont you love algebra ;)?)"*

*I swear that's a real review of a fanfiction and the author's note at the beginning said 'Goku is alive'

"Oh-Oh! Squirrel died..."

"And no matter what I do the light won't stop blinking"
"Come on, Boromir, you can kill it!"
"I will get my strength from the white city!"
"Aw man, gotta love the white city!"
"YES! I did it! Minas Tirith came through for me!"

"Home is behind
The world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall fade"