"If I'm not with you, I come when you're naked"

"I'm in a mood."
"What mood is that?"
"The kind that involves me introducing you to my thigh."

"I'm naked for absolutely no reason."
"Meanness is the reason."
"Me being naked is mean to you? You're topless all the god damn time on the phone, or naked for some amount of time"
"And you're always sad."

"Yeah if I was being washed away and doomed, I wouldn't be thinking 'Oh my, it seems like a good day for some RAPE'"

"You know he's been waiting his whole life to take his shirt off in front of a class"

"* Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that if you fall in any of the following categories you read this play at your own risk: accountants, people who won't use trees, Volvo drivers, men who golf, topless dancers, wives of men who golf, Ford Bronco owners, psychologists, people with values, people without values, beer drinkers and users of Preparation H. "

"I could get you stickers"
"But how would you get them to me?"
"I would wait til you come down and stick them to you."
"Do I want to know where or do I want to wait and find out?"
"You will effectively be able to walk outside without a shirt. Hypothetically speaking."

What's better than winning three goldfish at the special olympics?
Not being retarded

Me: yeah, just wait til the sex talk in psych
Me: its just as immature as health as a freshman
Matt: Yes!
Me: the whores typically know less than the virgins
Me: mrs blackmon was appalled
Matt: Haha.
Matt: Well, virgins actually take the time to learn something.
Matt: .....that's why they're still virgins.
Me: haha
Me: quite
Matt: Learning's for virgins!!
Me: then why are all of our ap classes full of sluts?
Matt: I think the previous statement is explanation enough.
Me: perhaps

Sarah: qjerhrlaksjgh;akfjfgh;qdlkfjvn;pwdifjngv;kigjnw;kdjg ;djkfv nw;kjb vlkjkj hwijjg b
Sarah: you should know what I'm saying since that looks like russian
Sergey: oh cute. cute.
Sergey: *does a funny russian dance concluding with a middlefinger*

"Meth wearing off...Personality fading"

Open Lunch Hilarity:
"They have square hamburgers..."
"What's wrong with squares, circle-boy?"
"Damn you."
"Dude, you totally walked into that one"
"Yeah, I know..."

"Yeah, I'm Butch and she's Cassidy"
"Nononononononononononononono"

"I'd rather be a poptart than Matt's right testicle"

Sarah: hahahaha thats pretty funnny because everyone whos skipping will just go and eat lunch wherever they want to anyways
Me: exactly
Me: but this way they dont actually have to give us open lunch
Sarah: FUCK THE MAN

"I know it’s short. My muse is being stingy."

"It wasn’t so much the knowledge that he wasn’t what some would consider a handsome man. He didn’t dislike his looks, but he wasn’t proud of some of the choices he had made. This was what stopped all thoughts of any sort of relationship with decent woman, for he knew that once his past was exposed, no decent one would want him. If he were a woman, he wouldn’t want him."

“The bastard!”
“Actually, my parents were married.”

Me: its all very complicated and i dont have enough words
Me: OMEG
Me: you are too complicated for MY vocabulary
Ariane: hahahaha
Ariane: I rock
Me: asswhore

"YAY, IT'S MY ZEBRA!!!....Aw, man. Ariane's mom died..."

Me: hey
Stephen: Hello.
Me: long time
Stephen: No see.
Me: well i was thinking more no talk
Me: since, obviously no see
Stephen: Yes.
Stephen: Stop calling me when I'm not at my phone.
Stephen: Because I don't find the missed call until later, and I don't call people.
Me: well, ive been trying to get my stephen radar repaired
Me: but the shop i used to use closed
Me: so ive been looking
Me: but to no avail
Stephen: There's a shop for it?
Me: oh, yeah
Me: i used to hang out there sometimes
Me: Tim, the guy who owned it
Me: he was cool
Stephen: heh
Me: he used to tell me about his girlfriends
Me: i used to tell him he was gay
Me: we had a great relationship
Me: but now he lives in a nudist colony in alaska
Me: i told him the cold would have adverse affects
Me: but he didnt listen
Stephen: >_>

"My plastic surgeon says I can't engage in any activities where balls fly at my nose"
"Well, there goes your social life"

"I only have a brother on my mother's side"

"He stared at her for a long time, how she ate those blasted cookies, he wished he were a cookie...Well no, not really, he just wished he was touching her mouth..."

"You raped my fingernails!"