"Hey, you do know that you have a pair of tits in your recycle bin..."

So, one day, there was this Fish walking down the road.
A Beaver stopped him.
"Excuse me, sir, I was wondering if you are aware there are several bites taken out of your dorsal area?"
He was a well-educated beaver.
The Fish was no slouch either.
"Yes, I am well aware, sir. I was present when they were taken."
The Beaver was perplexed.
"And are you all right with the fact that there were bites taken out of your dorsal region?"
The Fish gave him a long look.
"Well, I ought to be. I took them."
The Beaver was aghast.
"Whyever would you do that, my good man?"
The Fish was now beginning to doubt the beaver's "education".
"Because, you demented absurdity of a mammal, I taste like fish."
The End.

"So."
"Yes?"
"Lacy hat?"
"No."

"Now all I need is a panda."

"Yeah, well you didn't have to watch them molesting him causing his smug but 'oh, I don't care' reaction. I kept trying to turn away, but they kept talking to me. I couldn't stop. It's like when you see someone who's just been eaten by a wild animal. Some parts are left, but it's still really gross. You don't want to look, but you can't help it because it stole your free will."

"You should have them all. Got to catch 'em all."
-Thoughts on virtue.

"I am so anal retentive, I touched up a two year old painting I did for art class."

"Man, if you ever wear this to a party and run into someone with the same costume that's like the perfect moment to form a suicide pact. 'Oh, you don't have anything left to live for either? Want to go outside and asphyxiate in my car with me?' While the two girls in the elaborate Cleopatra costumes are making out on the couch in the living room for attention the two bargain ninja turtles quietly slink away to the garage and hook a hose up to the exhaust."

"Chewbacca struggles for his keys in the poorly lit parking lot. There is an ominous jangling. "Who's there?" The jangling gets louder. Chewbacca finally finds his keys and just as he gets them into the door on his Escort he is taken from behind by a slot machine."

"Snorgle Snorgle...That's how my laugh sounds. I've just realized."

"'Mom! I can explain...Actually, it's pretty much what it looks like, but...' he trailed off realizing he wasn't wearing pants which made him somewhat less of a reliable source."