"I'm content with procrastination."
"I was until i was like 'Oh, no, I dont want to think I'm having senioritis' It was too cliche."
"It is very cliche, but I have dibs on it, because I've been like this in school since 4th grade. It's my lifestyle."
-I love my Tricia-face!

"That makes no sense. Why would two hundred people come into our house to do nothing but urinate, kill the dog, and make a hole in the roof?"

"That's like the pot calling the kettle gay; what a useless insult"

"Kay?
Err kay!
I hate punctuation sometimes"

"That's the great thing about crayons, they can take you more places than starships"

"I can see myself as a Supreme Court Justice one day, sitting there writing the decision of the court that will go in some silly Lanahan Reader one day and saying, 'Guard plus Manatee...Guarantee'"

"So, it's just the log for me"

"I like mammals...mmmm, fur"

"What if I was there right now?"
"You'd be here next to me. Close enough to feel my lips on your ear as I whisper those three, gentle words."
"I am bleeding!"
Long Pause
"No, really, I'm bleeding!"

"Do you have a uniform?"
"Not yet."
"But you will?"
"Ya."
"That's so cute, and you'll have an apron!"
"..I'll never touch you again."
"Yeah, right, you can't resist me."
"Lies."
"Oh wow, I'm going to be dying over you in a cute little uniform all day."
"..."
"Not that kind of dying; more the 'aw, your middle name is Patrick' dying"
"I hate you"
"That's so cute, you hate me"

"Quit bein' taller than me."

"There is nothing so pure and cruel as a child"

"Open foot, insert mouth"

"Plus, she made me a sandwich today, for the first time."
"That took me a minute. I was like 'Ah, the thrills of misogyny...?' but then I remembered she works at Subway"

"There's a certain intimacy that can only be achieved through face to crotch contact"

"Feelings of general happiness and the why that comes with it"

"He wants to know why I want the picture of his penis"
"Tell him your Justin Timberlake poster just isn't doing it for you anymore"

"That could be a new personality quiz. The pokemon you pick reveals your character."

"I got one girl to use a hockey stick. I honestly can't explain that one."

"You only like me for my pickled onions."

Ryan: the FX-55/57 just has the hypertransport, but not duel core
Ignacio R.: RIght
Ignacio R.: I know that

"I mean, nobody likes to get hit with break-up lines, but I can just see her one day coming to him and saying 'I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work. Your head is too big.'"

"This girl looks EXACTLY like the Japanese version of Velma from Scooby-Doo. EXACTLY. And I can't stress that enough. Case in point - one day I was walking with a friend, when I saw Velma in a store. 'Hey, it's Velma!' I mistakenly said to myself. My friend had never seen this girl before or heard the nickname I'd given her, so he turned to me and said 'Velma? Like Scooby-Doo? Who are you calling....(looks up)....HOLY SHIT THAT IS VELMA!'"

"But imagine one day a 14-yr old Japanese girl walks up to you and just shouts out 'Spread your legs!' I had no idea how to react to that. If she'd whipped out a gun or a a samurai sword or even a small woodland animal I could have dealt with that, but 'Spread your legs!' left me completely incapacitated."

"So I asked 'What did the Pilgrims eat for the first Thanksgiving?' One boy enthusiastically raised his hand and said 'Oh, I know, I know! Indians.'
The pilgrims may have screwed the Indians out of their land but I'd like to think at least we didn't eat them."

"I bet you that wasn't even the school's bullhorn. It was probably his own personal bullhorn he brought from home."

"So if you see a girl who is not at all well-adjusted and you think she'd be the last person on Earth fit to have a kid, she's probably as fertile as the supple plains of Idaho. You may not even have to have sex with her, just wave your sperm in her general direction, that should do it."

"CosmoGirl was right, this is so my nail polish color!"

"Being of the opinion that two adolescent heads were more dim-witted than one, he found he wasn't that surprised to find that they had both cooked up this dunderheaded scheme."

"You are the carpenter to my walrus! You know what this calls for? BOOB HUG!"

"You should add a random soliloquy. Explain what it's like to be a card in a world full of 'roundies'."