"This is actually the first religious shirt I've ever owned"
"Think about oral while you wear it"
.....
"Did you?"
"Yes"
"Good girl"

"When the picture wasn't finished loading I just saw Sergey and three girls and I was like snap Sergey's a pimp"

Harridan \HAIR-uh-din\, noun:
A worn-out strumpet; a vixenish woman; a hag.

"Codpiece is funny"
"A codpiece is what they wore in the sixteenth century, since men wore tights then"
"Haha.. silly primordial n00bs and their lack of denim jeans"

Matt: Told you told you told you told you told you.
Me: see i tried to hear your voice do that
Me: but you got tongue tied
Me: in my head

Dear Samantha:
Please write an essay
Describing your Prom night
Or I will shoot your hand off.
Thanks.
-Ariane

Dear Ariane
Mail me a letter about yours
And I'll show you mine
Cordially,
Samantha

Dear Samantha
Your phrasing worries me.
It makes me think perhaps I should not mail you at all.
But I am not very bright a person, and so I will anyway.
But now I must go and eat pasta.
With all apathy,
Ariane

Dear Ariane
One last thing
If you do decide to mail me
Be sure to punch air holes
See you in the funny papers,
Samantha

Dear Samantha
I am worried.
Extremely hungry,
Ariane

“His fascination for goats has nothing to do with being kind to animals.”

"Prom is saturday. I'd rather just go have sex with you"
"Sounds good to me"
"It would probably cost less to go down there"

There are nine ways to be an accessory to sin:
By Counsel
By Command
By Consent
By Provocation
By Praise or Flattery
By Concealment
By Sharing
By Silence
By Defending the Wrong Committed

"My brother talks
and DOES NOT STALK
*STOP"

"It is nearly impossible to have a serious conversation with an armadillo for a screenname"

"I graduate two months from Tuesday"
"Wow, tempus fuget"
"And it flies, too"

“Hey”
“Yes?”
“Are you a fag?”
“WHAT!?”
“Well, only fags say “ewww”
“Oh fuck off!”

"Nothin can make ya feel like a loser more than IMing in the shower while eating peanutbutter kisses"