"My mind was already engaged in an emotional merry-go-round, including annoying music"

"This is you in eight years"
"Damn. I HOPE SO. At least I'll keep my rugged good looks; that's all I was really worried about"
"I knew that. So I was showing you the future; giving you comfort in your doubt"

"Right now, I'm at the part where Margarita put on the cream, became 17 years younger, became a witch, and flew around Moscow naked on a broom stick. She just got joined by her friend who also put on the cream and flew naked on a hog"
"Now, that's a good book"

"The special olympics make me very upset"
"Retards shouldnt be let out of their cages; everyone knows that"
"Oh my...aren't there also paralyzed people? Or do they have their own olympics?"

"We all know how a weird guy with a beard smells in general. When you combine that smell with an unwashable costume, it becomes a whole new way to vanquish foes"

"I watch forensic files quite a bit and they never seem to find a patch of oil at a crime scene. It's always skeletons, rotten corpses and traces of blood. If our bones decayed like dinosaur bones it would make crime scenes a lot more happy. No more 'oh no, another dead hooker' it would be 'hooray, another three gallons of crude oil!'"

"Man, a music degree and a focus on bells, twice as worthless in the job market"

"I gotta be witchu"
"Who's witchu?"
"Wit u"
"Oh okay"

"I'm sure later that week the artist created characters based on every single item within ten yards of his desk"
"Beware the maddening menace of LORD STAPLER"
"The Electric Pencil Sharpener"
"Overdue Utility Bill Man"
"The Inhuman Bathroom Key"

"As someone who knows some Italian people I have to say I am really offended by the stereotypical portrayal of Italians as purple gorillas"
"I know quite a few Italians who just happen to be purple gorillas, but I'm offended that they portray Italian purple gorillas as menacing and violent. And homosexual"

"You kids and your red costumes and bug names. That's crazy talk. Back in my day we only had green costumes, and we were glad to have 'em. No fancy tricks or powers either, we just put on a green suit and then we shot people with revolvers like the way it is in the Bible."

"According to Black Condor's bio, he's a senator who was raised by condors in Mongolia, and he learned to fly by watching them. By watching condors, that is, not by watching other senators"
"Ah, well that makes sense, that's exactly how I learned to fuse atoms. I just stared at the sun for a couple weeks"
"I learned to photosynthesize by watching my lawn"
"I like how he was raised by condors yet he becomes a US Senator. I wish the real senate worked like that. I would like to see Joe Biden suddenly try to take Tom DeLay's eyes out with his razor sharp talons"

"Dude, Dave Thomas totally just drove by and leered at us...I thought you should know"

"Kissing is a mortal sin?"
"That's what the pamphlet says"

To clarify the following, I must explain the DYC view of sex:
Boys=Blue
Girls=Red
No one is allowed to make purple

"Purple is the new rape"

"So two girls and a boy are magenta...what would two boys and a girl be?"
"INDIGO"

"But see, he's already purple on his own, so if you have him and two girls you get uber magenta because of his extra red"

"We don't have balls, we have titanium clits. That is a direct quote from your mother. Remember that"
"Oh, I'm writing it down right now"
"I've been waiting for years to pass this on to you. It's your legacy"

"When do you become mostly naked?"
"In about 20 minutes, hopefully"
"When you come over here you mean?"