Old Man: I'm reading a really sad book
Woman: What book?
Old Man: The Kama Sutra
Woman: ...............
Old Man: It's sad for me...

"We're all going to die here, huddled up like morons, waiting for an evil sorceress to fry our brains."
"She isn't a sorceress, she's the moron and she's possessed by a sorceress."
"FINE. We're all going to die here, huddled up away from a moron, waiting for a possessed sorceress to fry our brains."
"Actually, sorceresses don't fry brains. Well, I suppose they could but they really don't like to. They like to just wave their hand and take your life."
"FINE. We're all going to die here, huddled up away from a moron, waiting for a possessed sorceress to steal our lives away. Any problems with that one?"
"No, that's just about correct."
"Yes, I'd say so."
"Oh, but wait, I'd say we're morons too or we'd have known she was possessed before things got this bad..."
"Oh...Damn you both..."

"Hell no, I'm not taking Mittens anywhere!"

"Why does everyone think I like him? I say, 'Wow, if I took him to homecoming, I know he won't try to rape me' And that translates to:'I LOFEEE HEEM END WUUD LEK TU FKNFKJCNOIK HEEM. EET WUUD B NEISDDCE...' I'll never understand that..."