"Likewise, never pluck your eyebrows after a couple of glasses of wine"

"War is win or die; there is no moral high ground"
"In 1939, Poland had the moral high ground. Somehow, it made no difference to the Germans"

"I am so glad Wal-Mart is going to offer cheaper drugs. It would take drugs to make me shop there"

"Is it wrong to smoke a dead man's cigarette?"

"You three need to start a group called 'Sharon Drove Me All Over Tampa When I Was 12 And I Repaid Her With Gratuitous Use of the Words "LIKE TOTALLY" and "WHATEVER"'"
"Like totally"
"If I remember correctly, you were the one in the backseat waxing philosophic on Dostoevsky. Then Vanessa would counter with 'PPSSHHH! Now shut the hell up and quote my favorite lines from Proust.' Then Britney and I would run away with our Clifford books."

"Well, I don't like asbestos either, it gives me cancer"

"Ben Fisher could be your child, you don't even know"

My new favorite outfit:
A red shirt with a yellow star
Orange Chucks with blue laces
An American flag bandana tied around the forehead
Baggy, spandex snakeskin patterned pants

"I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence"

"There should be a law that says you can't fire a cannon at six in the morning in a residential area"

"Book it to the fucking roundabout"