"In fact Dorset had already incurred the anger and resentment of several councillors by issuing orders himself in the name of Edward V, signing them 'Brother Uterine to the King'"
"Why would you mention a uterus on a state document?"

"I am known for my ability to state the obvious"

"There's nothing worse than having dried cum on your chest the next day at work"

"Life is hard...and so am I"

"I laughed so hard, I was cured of cancer"

"There's no cheese in Michigan"

"It's sad when my friends and I get together now...it's like it takes a village to make a sentence...forget the babies, we can't even get the words right"

"That's one way to do it..."
"This way you don't see me naked"
"I've seen you naked"
"No, it was dark"
"I have eyes like a cat"

"...yet were a crucial part of the provider system for managing some species of mentally incompetent poor..."
I didn't realize there were different species of the human...species...

"Did he know Chase was there still?"
"Unless he has the short term memory of a gummy bear"

"I just had to translate 'We service 65532 bushes'"
"I love that"
"You love to service bushes?"
"Of course"
"Did the Holy Spirit tell you to service the bushes?"
"As long as they're not burning, then it's sacreligious"

"When's my birthday?"
"March 14"
"Congratulations, you just earned yourself a sexual favor"
"As if I need to answer trivia to get sexual favors"
"See, but you earned this one"

"I was the most popular kid on the playground because I was the only one that would say penis or vagina"