"Ugly people shouldn't be allowed to smile that much"

"Your cutest face is your bewildered face...you look like a cute little hamster that I just want to step on"
"You want to step on me?!.....Hell, you want to step on hamsters?!?"

"You guys could teach a course on how to defend yourself if a man falls out of the ceiling of your shower on you"

"The alliteration in this book is really anti-feminist"

A balding Librarian saying, "Or do you want to just do it?" followed by, "You know you want to" is one of the more distressing experiences of my day.

"P.S. Note that it is excusable for a seven year old to use Hello Kitty stickers"

"I would just be retarded. And I can't be retarded in chemistry"