"I mean, immortal maybe, but nobody's that immortal"

"Wow, Helen of Troy, you really hafta be a babe to play her"
"We're only requiring that she launch a hundred ships"

"Is it wrong to laugh at a blind person if they step in animal waste?"

"So I took the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots....into his head"

"That was actually a prayer. It wasn't answered"

"Pretty tough words for somebody who's as easy to catch as a case of the clap"

"I'm going to start charging you money for being vague"